Шутки на английском (для изучающих Албанский)

[KlickERR]

Английский анехдот! Читать до конца!

 

True story, I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

 

"The moral of this story is:"

 

"Always keep your condoms in your car."

[Flamen]

Хорошо что он предохранялся, а если бы сразу наверх кинулся или прям на лестнице отодрал ее? Пришлось бы будущего тестя бритвой по горлу и в колодец

[Гость Gantcev]

.. по моему просто обычный баян, т.к. в давнее время была оригинальная версия на славянском :

 

Мы с подругой встречались уже год и наконец решили пожениться. Мои

родители помогали мне как могли, друзья меня поддерживали, а моя

девушка? Это была просто мечта! Лишь одно меня беспокоило, и беспокоило

сильно, - то, что у нее была младшая сестра. Моей будущей свояченице

было 20 лет, она носила мини-юбочки и облегающие маечки, и при каждом

удобном случае она нагибалась передо мной, показывая мне свои трусики.

Она наверняка делала это нарочно, потому что с другими она себя так не

вела.

И вот настал день, когда эта сестренка позвала меня к себе, чтобы помочь

с приготовлениями к свадьбе. Она была одна, когда я к ней пришел. Она

прошептала мне, что я скоро стану женатым человеком, а она испытывает ко

мне нежные чувства и просто горит желанием, которому не имеет ни сил, ни

желания сопротивляться. Она сказала, что хотела бы заняться со мной

сексом хоть один разочек, пока я не женился и не связал свою жизнь с

сестрой. Я был настолько поражен, что не мог произнести ни слова. И

тогда она сказала:

- Я иду на второй этаж к себе в спальню. Если ты разделяешь мое желание,

пойдем со мной и я буду твоей!

Я был ошеломлен. Я просто застыл на месте и не мог пошевелиться. Когда

она поднялась на второй этаж, она повернулась ко мне, стянула с себя

трусики и бросила их в мою сторону. Еще какое-то время я стоял

неподвижно, но затем все-таки принял решение. Я повернулся, направился к

входной двери, открыл ее, вышел во двор и направился к своей машине. Во

дворе меня уже ждал мой будущий тесть. Со слезами на глазах он обнял

меня и сказал:

- Как мы счастливы, что ты выдержал наше небольшое испытание! Теперь мы

уверены, что нашей дочери ни за что не найти более достойного мужа.

Добро пожаловать в нашу семью!

Мораль: всегда держите презервативы в машине...

[KlickERR]

.. по моему просто обычный баян, т.к. в давнее время была оригинальная версия на славянском :

Дюша! Старый флудераст! Даже зарегится на форуме не поленился...

[Gall]

баян не баян, но история хорошая

[Гость Gantcev]

...а ты я смотрю "боянист" не из молодых...

[cr_az2]

KlickERR, порадовал, спасибо.

 

Gantcev, история не потеряла актуальности в сувязи с переводом

[KlickERR]

...а ты я смотрю "боянист" не из молодых...

А я еще и на гитаре могу...

З.Ы. Андрюха! Прекращаем флудить!

[RekruT]

"Always keep your condoms in your car."

) ) )

P.S.Gantcev, ПРЕВЕД.Земеля

[Dok]

Респект за байку, катит на обоих языках по-любому. Только, сдается мне, что оригинал все-таки был наш, родной.

[Vanigly]

гы,блин,лольно!

я валяюсь!

ещё чтонить наподобие естя?

[KlickERR]

Просто анекдот:

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop. The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"

 

The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

 

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic... "Try doing it with the engine running."

[KlickERR]

The Pope was coming over to visit Canada and when he was greeted at the airport there was a limo waiting for him. As he was getting in he asked the limo driver if he could drive instead, because being a Pope - he never got to do neat things like that.

The driver said sure, after all - you can't say no to the Pope.

The Pope of course decided to have some fun and drove the limo at about 200 km/h in a 80 km/h zone and a cop spots him and pulls him over. The cop of course was very surprised when he looked inside the limo, and immediately radioed his supervisor.

Cop: What should I do? I can't ticket this guy!

Supervisor: Why who is it? The Mayor?

Cop: No, much more important!

Supervisor: Not the mayor? Is it the Premiere?

Cop: No, much more important!

Supervisor: Not the Premiere? The Prime Minister?

Cop: No, much much more important!

Supervisor: Not the Prime Minister? Who the hell can be more important than the Prime Minister?

Cop: I don't know, but he has the Pope as his chauffeur!

[Dok]

Cool, просто отвал башни!!!

[KlickERR]

An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.

The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"

The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"

 

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.

Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired."

The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"

 

The soldier didn't say anything else. He leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.

An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out of the window.